No Aesthetic

39
NOTES
////

Thoughts about “yellow fever”

In which “yellow fever” means “East/Southeast Asian fetish” and/or refers to the thing some men (usually non-East/-Southeast Asian men) say they have when they have found themselves attracted to an East/Southeast Asian-looking woman (women considered “yellow”). They also say they have it when they’re trying to attract an East/Southeast Asian woman, and for some reason, they sometimes try to use it as a pickup line. I refer to it here as if it’s actually a thing you can have for grammatical clarity. Well, it is a thing you can have, but its real name is “being ignorant and a racist jerk.”

Obviously this is not exclusively a men-who-like-women thing, but I’m talking about men who like women here because I’m a straight woman and I want to talk from my own experiences.

It’s not just white men who have it. The “Asian chicks get my blood going” guy was black.

It’s not all white men who have it. It’s not all non-Asian men who have it.

But before you go and declare yourself one of the “good guys” and pat yourself on the back, know that you are still responsible for not saying racist shit to the woman you are dating. Not exclusively dating women of one race (or, God forbid, exclusively finding women of one race attractive) doesn’t make you a hero and it doesn’t give you an automatic “pass”.

Also, know that if an Asian woman assumes you have it, it may be a defense mechanism, not as a personal attack on your character - it’s not about you, it’s about her. Personally I’ve encountered enough individuals with “yellow fever” that I find myself usually second-guessing and investigating others’ motives. I don’t like that I do it automatically - I’d love to assume that I am just an extremely desirable individual, obviously - but I’d rather not have fetishizing assholes in my life, and at this point I feel the need to ensure that I’m not involved with a fetishizing asshole. (At the moment, I am not.)

Saying “I love Asian girls” is not a compliment and should not be accepted as such. There’s nothing really wrong with the statement (aside from the usually racist intent behind it), just that it’s pretty meaningless. “The reason I like you is your ethnic background, which I assumed based on your appearance, and because my limited interaction with you has fit into the assumptions I made based on your ethnic background.”

Saying “You’re not like other Asians” (or “other Asian girls”) is also not a compliment and should no be accepted as such. “The reason I like you is because my limited interaction with you has not fit into the assumptions I made based on your ethnic background, which I assumed based on your appearance.”

The reason why, as a woman of East Asian descent, the term “yellow fever” and its associated statements (“I love Asian girls”, “I find Asians really attractive”, “I only date Asians”) is so off-putting to me is because it’s perceived as the man separating the Asian woman from “other women”, and at the same time stripping me of my individuality. When I hear that statement, I hear that I am 1. not “normal” or “usual”, to the point where it requires being stated; and 2. in that moment, only attractive because I’m Asian. The difference between “You’re beautiful” and “You’re beautiful. I love Asian women” is huge.

It may happen that you have only dated Asian women in the past. Up to this point, I’ve primarily dated white men. It’s entirely possible. But I would never say I have “white fever”, I would never invalidate my relationships with real people by referring to them collectively as some phase I’m going through, I would never refuse to date anyone but a white man, and I would never tell someone I find him attractive because he’s white. If anything, other people have told me, “You only like him because he’s white,” which is silly.
As long as it keeps happening this won’t be my final word on this topic, but it’s pretty much all the thoughts I have ever had about it. To correct/discuss further, just ask.